Posted on

Love and Relationship


This is my own stand point anent love and relationship.

In the ordinary course of relationship, the guy is the first one who will commence to take an action to show his appreciation, admiration, or gusto to a woman. Most likely, it is in the form of sending a description of flowery language that would somehow manifest his good intention to a woman, an indirect way of saying that “I want to have you in my life”. After the woman feel the ulterior intention of the guy, it would now become her burden to decide on whether or not she is going to accept the proposal leading into their relationship. In deciding on this matter, oftentimes, the decision of the woman will be taken on the dictates of her heart. Because of constant conversation, be that in the form of texting messaging or phone calls, a mutual understanding have already been established. Hence, during a guy’s proposal, a woman will always incline to nod.

Notwithstanding, there are many relationships who fail. And it cannot be gainsaid. Thus, we can ask, on cases like broken relationships, is it the fault of the guy or the woman? Is there something wrong with the process? Or was the basis of the woman’s decision making correct? Or is it because of irreconcilable personal differences? The answers of these questions can be sum into one. Because there are things by which they do not understand. They just believed that what they are doing are purportedly correct.

As to love and relationship, these are the following truths that cannot be set aside:

  1. “Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses”. Eccl. 3:1

He is the only one who knows what is good and what is best for us. This is the problem of many. They have no time to pray in order to seek for guidance on matters of relationship. They thought that flowery writings or language, constant conversation, wholly define the good intention. And by that, the decision based on the dictates of heart is compelling. We have seen so many cases of broken relationships who were products of flowery words.

  1. Many do not understand that “value” and “love” kiss each other.

What is value? According to Aristotle, “a value is something that is worth-having, worth-keeping, worth-possessing, and worth-doing”. A value maybe in the form of personal value- our goals and aspirations that we would like to achieve, because of that these are worth-doing; sentimental value- examples are the tangible things that we cannot afford to loss because these were given to us by our parents, best friends, etc. hence worth-keeping; behavioral values; moral values; cultural values; spiritual values; among others.

Thus, a guy who doesn’t want to do what is worthy lacks maturity. If this is so, we cannot negate the conclusion that it is just a feign to say that you love a woman (or a man) and because of that she (he) is worth-having for you but on other way around you disregard or bypass her (his) parents, brothers, sisters, character, aspirations, belief, among others.

It is so sad to say that many would always prefer to take a short-cut in having a relationship just to play himself safe. Their parents do not know what is going on. They just conceal their movements. This is tantamount to say that they have no value at all. Then here’s come a guy as if he has in the proper position to take the woman and who knows what is best for her.

  1. Lack of understanding about the true essence of LOVE.

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Apostle Paul enumerates the essential characteristics of love, such as:

4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

It is a profound truth that love is patient and kind. It is not self-seeking. It does not dishonor others.

I remember the time when I conducted seminars about love, courtship and marriage. I asked the participants, and most of their answers were generally common, such as, “one is in love when he or she cannot sleep early at night because of the intense feeling. I told them, if you cannot sleep early because of that intense feeling, actually that is not love. You have an insomnia. Many of their answers are misconceptions about love”. And I corrected them.

Love is not

Something you “fall into” – a black hole.
Infatuation, Emotional loss of control, “Flipped out“, “Couldn’t help myself.”
Evaluating another by external criteria.
“She’s a #10”.
Interested in “getting” to satisfy your needs.
Taking advantage of another .
Improper need fulfillment.
Lust. Hormones. Lasciviousness, sensuality. “Let’s get physical.”
Sex .
“Making love.”

Then what is love?

True Love is…

Respectful of the other person’s values, standards and opinions.
Unselfish and unconditional.
Responsible to seek the highest good of the other person “for better or for worse”.

I recall the time when I court my wife. I told her: “I am not going to tell you that I love you. You know why? Because genuine love is not a noun. Real love is a verb. Love noun is just a product of love verb. You know what is a verb? It is an action word. If it is, then it has to be manifested. Not just one day. Not just one week. Not just one month. Not just one year. But it has to be manifested for a long period of time. The best manifestation of love is what Christ did for the Church. He even gave His life for it. Now all I’m asking you is your commitment. Just commit. And I will commit. I will hold on no matter it takes. We go hand in hand together. Despite the odds, the adversities, and the trials that we may encounter. Until such time that I can prove to you that I love you.”

Yet, it turned to be true. And my wife knew it. There were times by which I cry out of the tremendous situations that we experienced. And I told her, I won’t give up. I will help you. To make us strong, we constantly resort ourselves to devotional prayer every night at 9:00 P.M. though we were still sweethearts at that time. And we continuously doing that today.

I suppose to tell a lot, but I opted to leave this message as my final note for those who wants to find his/her other half.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24.

We need to realize that God means for us to meet the ONE person that we are meant to marry. According to Genesis, a man will leave home to marry one women to become one flesh. You do not need to date a lot of people – just the right one.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.“ Genesis 2:18.

But how do we know that this was the right one from God? The answer: “If at the beginning of your relationship, you did not violate any commandments. Your parent’s support you. There are no impediments in your relationships. You are at peace. Then that one comes from God. But on the other hand, if your relationship is chaotic in the first place because you committed infractions. Or your parent’s doesn’t seem to support you because of what they found out. You are not in peace. Yet you continue each other to get married. It does not come from God”.

Most importantly:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (NIV) Proverbs 4:23